#1

I never knew missing someone would consume me this much, I guess when you found the right person to waste your time thinking about then everything just follows


I have always restrained myself in love and even set up boundaries for myself. Of course there are times when I desperately wanted to fall in love but waiting for that perfect someone does make you a lil bit more patient.

and when you finally found that perfect someone, everything just falls into place.


"finally," you say to yourself.

but then what do you do when time is the only thing left on your list thats still not quite right?


timing is everything.


time is human's greatest enemy,
it builds restrictions for us.
yet, we humans are the ones who invented time.


I don't care whether it'll take more than a little time for me to be with you. All I know for sure is, I want you.

only you



and if that means I have to wait then I will


I would do anything for you, I wish you knew that. And I wanna be that light in your life, I want to help you see what this beautiful world has to offer you.




I want to be yours

okasama;

If there’s one thing I loathe more than myself is the fact love exist.

How is this feeling even here in my life for I have never even felt warmth around my very own mother?

I can no longer tell when she’s proud of me or even when she loves me for who I am.

She always speculates all these bizarre things about me, and because of that I couldn’t even learn to love myself.

How hard it is to even look at yourself in the mirror and not believe in who you are because your very own mother yanked out your beating heart.

She’s perfect but is perfection really what’s essential?

You know the saying; the quest for money is a hollow journey.

But then again, maybe love is important after all.

How can you begin to love another being, if you don’t even love yourself?

16 December 2013

Heartwarming Words From A Dear Friend Of Mine

Hi Bel!

Jadi sebenernya gue sadar lo ultah dari midnight tapi I thought it would be too mainstream dan lo kan indie and I suppose you don’t like mainstream things HAHA.

Ini bakal agak jijik dan I don’t know why I’m doing this but to be honest, I just feel the urge to write this as a small token of gratitude for our friendship.

So, okay here we go.

You and your love for literature are two things that may never be separated. I have said this several times and I’m sure you're probably sick to the stomach upon hearing this yet again. You do really have a way with words. The way you eloquently form your sentences out of phrases, the way you spill your vivid imagination into writings, the way you make me jealous every time you ask me to comment on your articulately written blog post.

A lot of people can have perfect grammar and wide range of vocabulary. Those are just the tools, yet without the creativity that you have, those skills will simply be abstract thoughts lingering to be formed into constellations. You are an aspiring writer, and I know that maybe later in life when I’m checking out the best seller section in a book store one of your books will be there!

You are two personalities crammed into one soul. Sometimes you can be a melancholic person but at times you can be humorous and entertaining to talk to. A little melancholy is good as it can act as a little paint to your writer’s canvas or seasoning to your homemade meal of letters but remember, be careful because too much will turn you into a vulnerable grenade waiting to burst into a million pieces. You balance your dark side with the hilarious and embarrassing everyday actions and sometimes failed attempts at telling jokes.

You are a great dancer, a sympathetic listener, an emotionally mature person (despite the occasional tumbles in life which is perfectly normal) and someone I can lean on through the good and bad times.

And on this very day,

You, the aspiring writer, the melancholic soul, the self proclaimed class clown, the great dancer, the sympathetic listener, the emotionally mature person, my shoulder to lean on is……TURNING 16!!

So… HAPPY SWEET 16 BELLA!!! May 16 bring you the best life has to offer and become a year when you start to make your dreams come true. May you be blessed with joy and hope. May you always have the strength to face whatever challenges life throws at you!

ONCE AGAIN, HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE!

-Farisa Machmud

Dreamers by Ted Hughes

We didn't find her - she found us.

She sniffed us out.

She sat there

Slightly filthy with erotic mystery.

I saw the dreamer in her

Had fallen in love with me and she did not know it.

That moment the dreamer in me

Fell in love with her, and I soon knew it

The You?niverse

Here I lay helplessly as I try to count the stars sparkling with such grace on a melodramatic sky. Have you ever wondered who sprinkled them there? Or do they just come out of nowhere?

And as for tonight there's this one star that just couldn't stop grabbing my attention. It's bright and it looks like as if it's not too far from here. But truthfully it's a few light-years away from the tip of my forehead. And I feel like I could reach that star and tug it under my pillow, give it warmth that lacks in the outer space.

Then again its years from where I stand.

Funny how empty space could make us think that things that supposedly lay thousands of miles from us is just standing bare on top of our heads.

Maybe it's the way we view things, that humans tend to simplify and choose to ignore the complicated facts behind just about everything.
                                                         
But, then again I could be wrong.

I've always wondered what it feels like to live billions of light-years away from something or, someone; how such a tremendous space exists.

It is though, the real distance of where we live to planets out there that we haven’t discovered yet. Imagine knowing someone who lives that far.

But then again, we don't seem to know a lot about people in neighboring countries or even our very own neighbor who lives right across the street.

Well, how about you? How many years do you stand from this very moment? How many more years will it take to finally meet the love of my life?             

I know this seems silly and I'm shouting into the darkness here. 

But I really do want to know, 

I really do. 

Recent Thoughts

"I'm not sad, I’m happy. I feel like I’m happy because I’m at peace with the way that things are... I did have a darker filter on sometimes, but that slowly lifted through doing a lot of different things. And finding true love is something that really did inspire me, lyrically. Because I felt so much the same for so much of my life and then when you find someone exciting, you don’t know that you could actually feel differently than you did before. I was inspired"
-Lana Del Rey
You inspired me Lizzy

Like Tasting Defeat for Dessert

Like Tasting Defeat for Dessert

by Nabilla Utami

So you say life’s a drag but you've only been living a few seconds outside of your mother’s warmth. You haven’t taste the slightest bitterness of “life” I presume? And yet here you are complaining as if you were going to explode in mere seconds and your head would be a fine piece of art, hanging on top of my bookshelf. And your tangerine skin turned pale red, as if there was such a color as pale red. Your screeching voice, echoed through the hollow halls of this deserted asylum and your cries, desperately trying to fight its way out.

I know this is not the dream but it’s not too bad once you get used to it. The painful needle would only sting once and that… won’t probably be enough. Once you’re here, you would kill for freedom. And I might as well tell you, freedom feels like a heavy bag of all your sins.

It is now time for them to hold you down with that big belt that’s probably never been washed since the last time a person has spilled his darkest secret, and his internal organs. You keep on shouting, and helplessly throwing kicks into mid-air, thinking it will free you somehow. But it just won’t work. Shouts of mercy comes flying from your mouth as they try to shove “the system” down your throat.

Its noon and the pain is now unspeakable. Tears crawl slowly from those emerald eyes of yours, as if they’re trying not to wake you up. But you’re not going to wake up.

You’re not.

You lay there, tired.

Tired of carrying all these things you've been keeping to yourself.

All these things you could never share to anyone else, because they just wouldn't understand.

You carefully peek through your now-soggy eyes, trying hard not to make a sound.

Your hands shiver while you grab the mug that’s been sitting a while beside your bed.

You take a sip, and finally tasted defeat.